Not Meant To Be

Some things are meant to be, some things are just not meant to be.

Lately, I'd been feeling like I didn't deserve to have passed the bar, that the title was lost on me, in fact I imagined being capable of selling it to the highest bidder if only that was allowed by the Supreme Court. Sayang lang ang pagiging lawyer ko, I hadn't made good use of it some say. But passing the bar on my first take was meant to be, for my parents, so it had to happen, thank God.

But you and me, "we", are part of the just-not-meant-to-be's. You are not my "destine aken", :-) for fate itself seems to be saying so. It is a blessing to know this early. Although it feels frustrating to feel this lost, some day I will learn to accept things that I cannot change. :-)

Yesterday, my mind was filled with questions. Why? Why not? What happened? But if there's one thing that I'm sure of, it is the change that I feel inside me. I feel like I've changed enough for something better. And I guess that change was meant to happen, sooner or later.

"You and me" is a lost cause. Learn to accept that. Same as my winning the Lotto jackpot, some things are just not meant to be.

One of Those Cousins

Congratulations to SALAHUDDIN for passing the 2012 Nursing Licensure Exam given on July 2012. I am a proud first cousin. :-)

Atten.hut!

Fertilizing the road less traveled from Cotabato City to Marawi City.

Isn't it unfair how men are able to pee anywhere but women are not, how women have to endure more than men?

Pass the RH bill! (haha. no connect.)

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Goodbye Ramadhan

So today's the last day of Ramadhan.

I had a hard time surviving days of fasting, partly because I was away from home, and partly because of weak health.

There was abnormal spurt of work at the office, too, because the office spearheaded/oversaw the month-long activities at the ARMM compound. During the latter part of the month, I had a hard time in finding joy in the late nights and overtime. Maybe because I was missing home a little too much.

Suhor and iftar in Cotabato City were different than what I was used to at home in Marawi City. I self-pitied a few times while eating as I would compare the food, the time of eating, and the companions.

At home, at 5:30 pm, the table would already be laid out with food, sometimes humble, sometimes aplenty. My siblings and I would then be already seated at the round table, gamely waiting for the call of prayer.

In Cotabato City, we could not even hear the call of prayer at the dining table area. The rice would be cooked after the call of prayer because my housemates usually eat dinner after 7pm, usually at 8pm. They break the fast usually with lugaw or bread. I was used to breaking the fast with a full dinner.

I am not going to miss the late nights either. More often, we had to stay at the Ramadhan trade fair almost until midnight, with nothing to do but wait. All part of the job.

So as I say goodbye to Ramadhan, I say goodbye to late nights and self-pity. Although I have learned to love this job and the people that I work with, it feels good to say goodbye to certain aspects of my experiences.

Goodbye, Ramadhan, and I hope to experience you again next year. Thank you for making me remember yet again the value of family and religion.

Happy eid!

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Satisfaction

You blow my mind with your experience. You seem to have gone through every dream, fantasy and nightmare that I had. As to how these will affect the future, that's what scares me. I have an inkling that these will not be to anyone else's benefit but yours.

Fear boxes me in. And I want it to remain that way. I want to stay within the limits that I forced myself with. It is tempting to break free, yes, but it could only be detrimental to me if I do so these days.

I often imagine how it would be. But as with a few things in life, some thoughts are best left to the imagination and left unrealized.

Yes, things are better this way. The future can only be more secure this way.

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And The Point Is

I like where this is going. The way things are, what do I need that thing that I've been craving for weeks for? Things are going just as smooth as they should, this-thing-wise, I guess.

So my weird therapy may continue. Thanks to a little googling.

Now if only I can find an alternative for that thing that they call instant.

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Stupidity dot com

What have I done? I made the mistake again. Why do I keep on making the same mistakes over and over again? Am I that stupid? Am I that desperate?

Seems I am.

How can I get myself out of this crazy situation? I want out. This should not be it already.

Someone please save me from my destructive self.

Do You Know Where

It's irritating to see other people vocally display their career paths. I see myself in comparison and I always come lacking. It feels selfish not to feel happiness over a person's intended and expected success when I myself am the only one to blame for mine and the lack of it. But I can't help it.

I wish to have other people's passion for success. I wish to be more than this. This feeling sucks.