Reading But The Textbook

I finished reading THE OVERNIGHT SOCIALITE by Bridie Clark. I saw the novel in National Bookstore a few days ago and decided to download a copy and read it. The whole time I was reading the book, I was picturing the characters in a movie screen, hoping someday, the book would indeed become a movie. I didn't like the ending so much (Hollywood could give it its needed fairytale ending), but comparing the book to a textbook that I should have read and should be reading, I totally prefer the Socialite.

Facebook Deactivated

Because it's been so hard to ask for peace of mind from other people, I deactivated my Facebook account. I don't know for how long my account will stay deactivated though. But at least for now, I am trying my damnest not to access Facebook and see how happy other people are.

I have been having a hard time focusing. Truth be told, I haven't started reading seriously yet. I have too much on my mind, I can't force myself to study effectively. I've been away for 16 days now, and I wasted all 16 whole days. It's not for lack of trying though. I try. I sit, I open the book, I start to read, then I get stuck. My mind can't seem to stay on the book, I start to think of inconsequential things, like who's happy on Facebook.

I have tried so hard to find happiness and peace of mind from other people. All to no avail. As a wise man would say it, how can one find happiness and peace of mind from other people when he can't even provide happiness and peace of mind for himself? I have no idea how to find happiness and peace of mind from within me, but it's not and will not be for lack of trying.

Deactivating my Facebook account is one attempt at trying.

Broken You

The last thing I need is a downer. I can't even concentrate on reading without a problem in mind, and now you're adding mischief? You promised to behave during my hiatus. You know how crazy I can be when something is bothering me. But I guess it's too much to ask of you to fulfill any of your promises anymore. Just like your personality, all of your promises are broken.

Night Off

I've declared tonight a holinight hours ago. Because it is my first night alone in this strange place, I scheduled no grand plans, except keeping Abu's sharp bolo beside me the whole night. :) Abu, Rasden and Maja's tales of the unhuman  and the inhumane took its effect and now I'm seeking refuge online, with no plans of sleeping until the morning.

But I am hopefully not making use of SmartBro prepaid unlisurf in vain. I am surfing for reviewers and lectures online. I may not be able to read all that I've downloaded and will download, but it keeps me at peace that I have the reading materials when I do decide to read them, whenever that may be. ;)

Tough Start

It's been past a week since I started "studying", to no avail. I graciously began with Labor Law because it was the first SC Proposed 2011 Bar Exam Syllabus that I opened (and I find Labor Law so laborious). I encoded notes based on the syllabus, and integrated codal provisions, Azucena, Ateneo and UP reviewers. I barely made it to page 5 (encoded) before I realized that I wasn't moving fast enough based on schedule. I WAS TOO AMBITIOUS! And I was lagging too much behind. The syllabus was so exhaustive, I could be stuck to encoding until March at such rate. I then decided to leave textbooks and shift to reviewers, after all, they said MCQ required extensive reading, entailing reading any material that one could get a grasp on. I decided to read transcribed notes (I found the storytelling in the first page interesting!) in Taxation, a subject I felt I was most ignorant at. I barely made it to page 10 and I lost interest. Tax was so taxing.

So basically now, I'm lost. I don't know how to study effectively. I don't know what subject to re-start in. Should I start with the subject I'm most comfy at (Criminal Law?) and move on from there? Or should I stick with Taxation Law? If I begin with the subjects I'm comfy at, I might end up leaving the tough subjects untouched at the end of schedule. If I begin with the tough subjects, I might never move on and finish covering the comfy subjects. *sigh*

I don't know how to be interested enough in any subject.  I'm all trial and error. I'm all starts. And the days in the calendar keep getting stricken out without the desired productivity.

I hate ningas cogon-ny me :( I should just plant (and not buy) camote.