There are moments (lots of them) when I fear change, and yet there are moments when I look and hope for change. This is of the latter kind.
If I don't start treading on the path that I am "supposed" and "expected" to go, when will I? I fear that with the time I'm staying on this career path, I will slowly lose my "future".
I want to punish myself for being this afraid, this shallow, this uncertain.
When will I learn to accept that I am my own captain, that I control what my future will be, and that the more I stay on this path, the more I'm losing myself, my education, my brain.
I take for granted what others covet. I disregard a choice that many would love to have. As friends had asked me, "Bakit ka pa pumasa ng Bar Exam gayong wala ka namang planong maging Lawyer?" True. I am wasting a four-letter word. I am slowly wasting.
I am afraid of taking a single step away from where I am. I am afraid of leaking out of my current comfort zone. I have a lot of excuses, when I should be handing out application letters or talking to the "right people" for a "career change". I haven't done what I should have done. I haven't tried when I should have at least tried. I fear for my inadequacies, I stray from my own expectations.
My family is frustrated, the people around me remain baffled.
My family is frustrated, the people around me remain baffled.
Ah, Change, please, force yourself into my life.