Ain't No Good In Goodbyes

The boss said that I can start looking for another job which will fit my achievement. It made me sad. I am not good with goodbyes, and just thinking about future goodbyes is making me sad today.

I would love to work in the field of law. But I am not ready for the shift yet. I am afraid of being incompetent at it, as I know that I will initially be.

A change is not welcome at the moment. I need training first. I initially asked around yesterday for free OJT in any legal work as I would love to be trained for free. I would love to do another lawyer's job for free, if only to gain knowledge and how-to's. But where would I find a lawyer who is willing to transfer much-guarded secrets?

I fear change!

My plans of going out this afternoon to photocopy some papers were washed away by the pouring rain. Ah, I love this side of Marawi City. I love the rain in its totality. Soft music + glass window + pouring rain + coffee = bliss. This is absolutely it already.

I should photocopy my credentials today. I should buy a Personal Data Sheet in Bangolo. I should update my CV today.

I need to buy a hard plastic long folder. I need to get a TIN and a PTR. I need to get my ass off this bed.

I should arrange my room today.

Ah, the things I need to do today.

Just finished watching Til My Heartaches End (Kim & Gerard) in Channel 2. Depressing movie. It reminded me of the foolish and desperate me. Ah, the things I did for love, the unmatched stupidity, the utter lack of self-respect.

It is true, though, that there will come a point in a person's life when the past hurt will be just that -- the past -- something to reminisce and smile about.

These days, I can smile in wonder at my plain stupidity the past years. :)

I feel stupid. I feel so useless after 2 weeks of idleness.

Don't get me wrong, I love the feeling of being stupid. *wink* In fact, this form of idleness could continue a few days more, and I'd love it still.

I like being this alone and idle. Hand me a bowl of fruits and a wired laptop, and I'm good to go. I could spend hours just doing basically nothing. I definitely am at my best when I am wasting my time.

:-)

Now I'm Broke(n) and I'm Lonesome

People expect lawyers to be rich. Friends expect me to not be broke.

Passing the Bar did not automatically open for me an unlimited bank account, not even an unguaranteed loan. The Supreme Court gave me mere four letters and a period (ATTY.), not a hundred million pesos (100,000,000.00 Php!).

So if you think I've money to spend, twitart, you're just as delusional as me. And I'm just as broke as the next bloke!

Social Caterpillar

Social obligations have been starting to arrive, but I am not able to fulfill them just yet. I want to, I just can't, not today, not this instant.

I will ready myself for the next time. Financially. Physically. Mentally. Ms. Ready.

Today, I just can't attend the wedding. Reasons? No Pond's cream. No foundation powder. No make-up. They're in Cotabato. No shoes. No formal dress. They're not bought yet. I don't have a ready supply of clothes to wear for different formal occasions because I used to NOT attend any before. (And it seems I still don't!)

Next week, I just can't be at cousins' double graduation. I can't attend a friend's Kandori (although I gave my word). I will be in Cotabato by then.

I would like to be able to do more. I wish I could do more for other people, especially for the family.

Next time owm!

I Can't, Can I?

I am satisfied of the present. I want to stay in my current job. I am afraid of working in another job. But I want a higher pay.

They want me to expand my horizon. They want me to explore greener pastures. They are excited at the prospect of my working in another job. They want me to experience career challenges. They want me to have a higher pay.

Compromise arrives at higher pay. :)

Things do get complicated these days.

I am not excited for myself. They are. I am afraid of taking in more responsibility. They are not.

What do I do? I don't think I am capable of doing more. :(

When I was still a law student, I downloaded many notes and reviewers online. I downloaded lectures, too. I frequented blogs and forums so that I could find sources. I didn't get to study or listen to most of them, not even during formal review, but I kept them for my peace of mind. :) I ended up with gigabytes of reviewers and lectures in my laptop.

Since I don't need these anymore, I need to clear up the space in my hard disk, sayang din. I don't have a backup external hard drive (I can't afford one!) so instead I'm uploading my files to 4shared. :) I hope that these files can be of help to some other person someday.

When kaya ako matatapos mag-upload at such a slow speed? :)

Book.marked

What a huge collection of books that I want to read :)

eBooks (arranged by authors)

Mother got home from the province. Tsismis to the max! What a
complicated family she has. :)

tsismisically, my first work check, for January 2012, had already been released in Cotabato. Pay for work undone. yey. I'm loving work already.

So Sick

I've been sickly for a week now. It started the day I got back in Cotabato after spending a week in Manila. Normally, I don't fret over cough and fever, but this bout has been long enough, I fear I might never get back to my usual self. I've taken different meds already. But I haven't gone for a check up yet, hopefully it doesn't get to that point. I'm afraid of doctors. :)

piskot. I can't fix my mobile blogger to fit 2 gmail accounts. to da brink. to da brink!